


Learning To Live Again

by Seriously_Garbage



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Also maybe a bit of Plushyrune thrown in, Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Dadster, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Panic Attacks, Papyrus is too precious, Sans Needs A Hug, Sans being a total edgy/angsty teen, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, The bad kind tho, Things will get better I promise, Trust Issues, eventual sansby, ya srry gasters kinda a douche
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25011550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seriously_Garbage/pseuds/Seriously_Garbage
Summary: We all know that in Deltarune when we first meet Sans, he tells us that he's new in town. Makes you wonder where he moved from right? What's he doing all the way out in this little remote town? I guess you could say he might be running from something, or maybe some one.Sans' life wasn't the best, not by a long shot. His father was a drunk asshole most of the time, he was failing his classes, had a shitload of problems, and he had to basically raise his little brother. That last part though didn't bother him much. He loved his brother, and would do anything to see him happy an smiling. It was the only thing keeping him going, so he tried his best with what he had. After all, what else could he do?Or basically: The backstory about how Sans and Papyrus lived growing up with Gaster, as a not so good father, before we first meet him in Deltarune. (Warning, ya srry prob a lot of angst)
Relationships: Grillby/Sans (Undertale)
Kudos: 16





	Learning To Live Again

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so this jus sorta popped into my head, and as far as i kno, there hasn't rlly been anything that covered this specific topic i guess. I mean like what Sans and Papyrus was doing before they decided to move to Hometown (which is apparently wut the town is called in Deltarune).
> 
> Also at the start of this story Sans is like 15 an in Junior year, an Paps is 10, so about 5th grade i guess.

The sound of distant ringing woke Sans with a start, the sounding becoming more clear to him to more he awake he became, although he was hardly awake so it wasn't by much. The sound was somewhere near his head he guessed, making his skull throb as his previous headache was re-awakened with the noisy intrusion. He groaned as he tried to move his arm to turn off whatever the hell was making that sound. Emphasis on the word "tried", because in his bleary state it didn't quite register to him that he could only move his arm a few inches in any given direction.

The more Sans struggled against whatever was holding him down the more frantic his movements became, until his breathing became labored and his eyes snapped open. With the drowsiness from sleep completely gone he was able to actually register the situation he was in, he was lying on his back with his right arm pinned underneath him in an awkward position and the feeling of something wrapped tightly around his legs making it hard to move. This only induced more panic, making his chest feel tight and limbs ache with the need to escape. He huffed out an exhausted breath and made his arms go still for a moment so that he wouldn't make himself panic more than he already was. Except that didn't work at all, because he realized that he couldn't see anything, even though Sans was sure that he had opened his eyes. Using his left hand, he moved to touch where his eye sockets were, and sure enough they were indeed open. His breathing became faster as he desperately tried to look around to see something, _anything!!_ , but all that greeted him was total darkness.

The more he breathed the hotter it seemed to get, frankly making breathing extremely difficult. And sure, Sans knew that technically he didn't have the need to breath, he wouldn't die after all, but it made his head buzz and his chest sore. But he wasn't thinking very clearly right now was he? The darkness that surrounded him gave him painful memories, of a blindfold tied tightly around his eyes as he clawed at it to get it off. The suffocating hot air reminded him of large hands wrapped around his neck, choking and shaking him in anger. He let out a choked cry as he began to violently thrash around on his bed, his sobbing becoming louder the more he did. He didn't care that he was making a lot of noise, all he wanted to do was _get out_. 

Eventually his hand was able to grab at the edge of the soft fabric wrapped around him and pulled at it so that his head popped out from underneath it. The fresh air that greeted him made him cough, but he breathed deeply anyway, almost as if his body was starving for the oxygen. Slowly he used his free hand to unwrap the sheets from his legs and around his chest. With that done he was able to push himself up into a sitting position, tossing the now crumpled sheets to the side and releasing his right arm from out underneath him. He winced, rubbing at the shoulder. It would probably start to hurt a lot more later, but right now he couldn't really care much.

His body was shaking, tears streamed down his face as his hiccoughing became harsher, more desperate. Sans brought his knees up to his chest, burying his face in them as he wrapped his arms around himself as a sort of comfort. Given the ruckus the he had caused earlier he was surprised it hadn't woken anybody up, and he knew that he couldn't take the risk of making even more noise, it could wake up his father and he really _really_ didn't want that. His grip around himself tightened at the thought, as he continued to let out muffled sobbing.

During some point in his struggle the ringing sound that woke Sans up to start with had stopped, this only registered to him once the sound suddenly started up again. He let out a surprised yelp at the noise, he wiped away the tears that had stained his face and with shaky hands he searched his bed for the culprit, finding his phone he quickly unlocked it and turned off the alarm. He checked the time, it was about 1 in the morning, so why in gods name was his phone going off? . . . Oh . . . right. They had finally moved into their new house today, and that alarm was meant for when they had to get up so that they could catch their flight on time. _Sigh, of course i forgot to turn it off._ Seeing as he didn't need that alarm anymore he got rid of it, because if he didn't do it now then he would most likely forget again. Sans was lucky this time, the noise hadn't woke Gaster up, but next time he might not get so lucky.

Sighing, he put his phone on the nightstand and leaned his exhausted body up against the headboard. He looked around his new room to try to center himself, boxes were piled up in the corner as well as some scattered around the room. Most of them were closed, only a few being open. He hadn't gotten very far in unpacking his things, since Sans arrived in the new house he spent most of his time hidden away in his room, using the excuse of "having to put his bed together" so that his dad wouldn't ask for help moving different boxes into different rooms. He had made him mad he day before, when they were still finishing packing everything away from their old house, and given how stressed Gaster was with the whole move, Sans didn't want to be alone with him. After he was done with that he helped his little brother with things in his room, thankfully keeping him busy for the rest of the day. He would have to finish unpacking tomorrow he decided.

He looked away from the mess of boxes and toward the ceiling. Sans was calm now, the panic fading away and a hollow feeling replaced it. Everything felt far away and numb, like his feelings were there but distant, unable to be grasped. He sighed again, "so much for a good's night rest, huh?"

Feeling as there was no point in staying up any longer, and feeling mentally exhausted, he laid back down on his side not bothering with untangling the sheets to use again. He just curled up, shut his eyes, and hoped that he could have some peaceful sleep for once, not really ready to wake up as abruptly as he had earlier.

* * *

* * *

_"They were going to be moving", that's what Gaster had said to them one day when they had returned home from school. It had been Papyrus' 10th birthday that day, and him and Sans had spent their time after school getting ice cream, and going to the park to feed and pet the little ducklings that always hung out around the pond over there. Papyrus was very excited for that day, his class had sang happy birthday to him, and one of his classmates had even given him their old teddy bear, saying "it was old and I was just gonna throw it away anyway", and sure, the teddy bear was ripped in some places with one of the button eyes missing and the stitching coming undone so that the stuffing could be seen. And he was a little taken aback with the filth that seemed to coat the old bear. But still, it was a kinda gesture that Papyrus was overjoyed at._

_"WELL OBVIOUSLY IF IT'S IN THIS STATE THEN IT MUST HAVE BEEN USED AND CARED FOR A LOT, SO THANK YOU, I WILL ACCEPT YOUR GIFT WITH OPEN ARMS" He stated while carefully tucking the bear away inside his backpack, not wanting damage it any further. His brother was really into sewing and things like that, he made things for Papyrus all the time, though he noticed that ever since dad had commented on his hobby Sans only did it when he wasn't around. Of course there had to be a reason for this, but Sans had a high talent to be able to avoid any topic that he didn't want to talk about. Well no matter, Papyrus was sure that he was just embarrassed about showing off his talents to their father. He would have to remind Sans that that was a silly thing to be embarrassed about, and maybe if he asked really nicely then Sans would sew up the old bear and make it good as new. Nyehehe, of course he would, he was a great brother after all, even if he didn't think so sometimes._

_The rest of the time was spent in class as usual, and when the bell rang he dashed out of class rather quickly, rushing to the spot where he and Sans always met up after school. Maybe it was just his imagination but when he saw Sans walking towards him in the distance he looked . . . tired. Well no, his lazy brother was always tired, seemingly being able to fall asleep anywhere. He even found that he had fallen asleep standing up while walking to another room for goodness sake! He suppose it was another one of his brother's "talents", though how Sans could get anything done while always being asleep still puzzled him. But no, this time, Sans looked . . . well, even more tired than usual. The way he smiled when he saw Papyrus seemed strained and forced, the dark circles under his sockets seemingly more prominent than usual, his shoulders sightly hunched when he walked, as if a slight breeze would knock him over._

_(HE MUST HAVE HAD A BAD DAY) He concluded. Well if that was the case then Papyrus, being the very great little brother that he was, would just have to cheer Sans up. It would do no good to be gloomy on his birthday after all, and besides, dad had finally been able to take a break from work and would be coming home for his birthday tonight. Surly if he reminded Sans of that then that would cheer him up! He wouldn't have to cook dinner for them, and do all the chores, and their dad had been gone on a business trip for about 2 weeks, so today was a very exciting day indeed._

_With that in mind he rushed over to Sans and tackled him with a hug. Sans let out a startled yelp as he stumbled backwards slightly, thankfully though Papyrus wasn't that heavy and Sans was able to keep them both on their feet. After recovering from the sudden attack, Sans smile became more genuine._

_"heh, hey paps. how was school?" he asked as hugged his brother back, albeit a little difficult to do, given that Papyrus was basically a vibrating ball of excitement. He was pretty sure that if he kept at it he would end up vibrating off the ground or something (heh, the kid sure does like birthdays huh?)_

_"IT WAS GREAT, AND LOOK..." Papyrus abruptly let go of his brother to pull out the stuffed bear from his backpack, "ONE OF MY CLASSMATES GAVE ME THIS BEAR!" He held up the broken bear with pride so that Sans could look at it, he looked away nervously and said a little more softly, "AND I WAS WONDERING...IF WELL...M-MAYBE YOU COULD SEW IT BACK UP FOR ME?"_

_Sans took the bear from Papyrus to get a better look at it. Sheesh, it sure wasn't that well kept was it? He looked back to his brother, who was giving him a puppy-dog stare. He didn't like to bring out his sewing stuff too often, and dad was gonna come home tonight too. He used to make all sorts of things, mostly plushies. But well...things happen. Shaking those thoughts from his head he decided that it couldn't hurt to do it, as long as it made Papyrus happy then that's all that mattered._

_"ya, sure paps" he said, getting a squeal of excitement as a response._

_He handed back the bear, which Papyrus put back into his bag. "alright bro, c'mon lets get goin"_

_Sans took him to an ice cream shop that had a couple dozen flavors. And while Papyrus would usually joke lecture his brother about the health risk of eating something so sugary, it was a special occasion, so he let it pass. Besides, he was able to get a triple scoop of 3 of his favorite flavors, vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. Meanwhile his brother, being the weirdo that he was got "green tea" flavored. He didn't know what that was, but it sounded gross. Who would want an ice cream made of tea? (TEA IS FOR DRINKING, NOT EATING) he thought._

_"pssh, really paps?, they got so many flavors, you could try somethin new y'kno" Papyrus glared at his brother, a serious look on his face. After all, ordering ice cream was a very serious topic. "YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG WITH THESE FLAVORS, YOU'RE THE WEIRD ONE WHO ORDERS WEIRD FLAVORS"_

_Sans gasped at the remark, putting a hand to where his heart be if he had one, pretending to be insulted. "ill have you know, green tea is the best flavor. you could even say its pretty 'sweet" Papyrus simply stuck out his tongue at him as his brother laughed and payed for the deserts._

_They walked out of the shop, bells jingling as the door shut. "THAT ONE WAS BAD, EVEN FOR YOUR STANDARDS"_

_'heh, well maybe im not up to my a-game today, but i know you're smiling" Sans responded, poking a finger at his cheek to prove a point_

_"NO. I. AM. NOT" he said while shoving his face full of ice cream to hide the fact that yes, he was smiling. Papyrus was just happy that his brother seemed to be in a better mood, that's all._

_The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, Sans took him to a park where they went looking for baby ducks to play with. Then they spent the rest of the time walking around, enjoying the fresh air, eventually coming to rest at a park bench that was overlooking the pond._

_Sans was busy telling jokes to Papyrus when his phone buzzed from his pocket. He took it out and frowned slightly at the message, while Papyrus tried to peak over his hands to read it. "WHO'S IT FROM?" he asked. " it's from dad...he says that he just got home from the airport" Sans said, "well, i guess that means we should start heading back" he added, more quietly though._

_If Papyrus wasn't so busy jumping up and down excitedly, rushing to put everything away in his back and double checking to make sure that he didn't forget anything, he would have noticed the change of expression from Sans. The way he tightly clenched the phone in his hand, and how his earlier happy smile, became a haunted_ _grimace. For a moment he completely forgot about Gaster, and with what had happened before he left on his 2 week trip, he was very glad to have that long of a break from him. But all good things must come to an end, right? Sighing, he pocketed his phone as moved to stand up. Together the two brothers made their way home, Sans becoming quieter the closer they got. Though Papyrus didn't notice this and simply bust through the front door shouting from it that they were home. After a few seconds a familiar face come out from the kitchen, which was connected to the main hallway entrance._

_Papyrus, upon seeing his father rushed up to him happily grabbing him in a hug. "I MISSED YOU DAD!!" Gaster chuckled at his son's enthusiasm, "I missed you too papy" Sans watched the whole thing unfold from his spot by the front door, a sick feeling stirred in his metaphorical stomach, it made him want to vomit. He knew that Gaster would never hurt Papyrus, not like he did with him. It was because deep down Sans knew that he hated him, or at least what he reminded him of. Because despite calling Gaster his "dad" , he wasn't actually. Him and Papyrus shared the same mother, so they were still brothers, but Gaster wasn't his "real" father, even though he lived with him most of his life and would have considered him his dad. Maybe that's why he could do what he did to him, because they weren't actually related? He knew that he was never supposed to have been born in the first place. He was a mistake, Sans knew that, Gaster knew that. He wasn't even wanted in the first place. That thought hurt, it made his soul ache._

_What was even worse was how Gaster pretended that wasn't true, because sometimes he acted nice, like an actual father to him. Sometimes he would allow himself to forget, and he indulged in the praise he'd get, even though he knew it was a lie. It hurt to reject the praise, but it hurt even worse to accept it. And then Gaster would start to drink just a little too much, and that facade would slip, and his reality would come crashing down over and over again. Most of the time it was harsh words, sometimes though, it was worse than that. Just like what happened 2 weeks ago. He shuddered at that thought, wanting more than anything to forget._

_But he didn't want to ruin Papyrus' fun with his stupid feelings, Papyrus adored their father, looked up to him and was proud of the way he worked so hard to earn them a good life. And he knew that Gaster loved Papyrus, he cared about him more than anything, he made that very clear to Sans. So despite his slight shaking he made his way from the door, standing a little ways to side. He greeted his dad, pulling him into a slight hug, far less tight then Papyrus'. Gaster responded the same way that he did with Paps, and if Sans didn't know any better it would've sounded genuine. The feeling of being touched by him burned, and he was holding back the bile that was building up in his non-existent throat. So when Gaster let go of him, he shoved his hands so far into his jacket pockets that he's pretty sure he almost ripped them._

_That was the same day that they learned they would be moving to a new state, to a much bigger city that apparently had a state of the art lab that Gaster would be working at. He told them that he had gotten a promotion while he was away, and they should start to find things to pack, since he didn't know if all of their stuff stuff would be able to come. Papyrus seemed excited to move to a new place, "NEW ADVENTURES AND NEW FRIENDS SHALL AWAIT ME" as he put it, Gaster tried to calm him say that "It would still take awhile to get everything set up" and while he was busy asking Gaster about his new work, Sans slipped past them to go to his room._

_Shutting the door quietly he sank to the floor in front of it, his head in his hands. Some part of him was scared for the change, but a larger part was relived. This room used to be his safe heaven, he had fond memories of it when he was younger, when things were different, before his mom died. But now it haunted him. He'd been sleeping on the floor with extra blankets that he found in a closet, probably meant for any guest, for the past 2 weeks and hadn't gone near his bed ever since...well,then. Every time he looked at it he would remember **that.** He hadn't been able to wash the sheets yet, he knew he should, just so he could wash that filthy memory away, but he was too disgusted to go near it, ending up sleeping on the floor as a result._

_Well they were moving anyway, so it's not like it mattered now. Heh, nothing really seemed to matter huh? Sans gave into a bitter laugh then. He thought about the move, new people, new places, just like Papyrus had said. Heh, maybe the little rascals optimism was rubbing off on him. He looked at the window to the now setting sun, maybe...maybe things would get better, wherever they were going. He knew he shouldn't, but for some reason...he couldn't help but hope._

**Author's Note:**

> Aaahh okok so that was kinda a long chapter at least for me q-q an i spent basically the whole day workin on it an i think it came out alright?? Even though most of it was a flashback kinda xD  
> Also btw yes green tea flavored ice cream is the best, and no u cant change my mind on that  
> So i guess to clear sum stuff up, for this story Sans an Papyrus r kinda half-brothers, but to them that doesn't matter and they think of themselves as ykno jus regular brothers. But uh Dadster here doesn't seem to think so. o-o  
> I added sum fluff stuff in the middle cuz idk i jus thought it wud be cute for them to hang out, an to take a break from the angst.  
> Also ya ik i reference the whole "2 week ago thing" a bunch but i dont actually say wut happened. I kinda implied it heavily at the end so u should be able to figure it out maybe???? unless i did a bad job with that, but uh well, even so, I'll prob clear things up l8ter. If I'm not lazy, which I am


End file.
